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Photo by Travis Grossen on Unsplash

Involving your partner in your pelvic floor therapy may improve your outcomes and your relationship.

Here are some ways you can involve your partner in your pelvic floor physical therapy:

Start Talking About Your Experience.

Both studies and clinical experience have shown that talking to your partner about your sexuality, pelvic floor issues, and sharing the progress you’re making in pelvic floor therapy can improve anxiety, reduce pain levels, and bring more intimacy to your relationship. As you transition to sex with your partner, sexual assertiveness will also help you find activities, angles, and positions that feel pleasurable, not painful to you and your partner.

As we mentioned in a previous blog post, a 2016 study by McNicoll et al. suggests that Sexual Assertiveness, or the ability to communicate openly to your partner about your sexual experience, may reduce the pain experienced with provoked vestibulodynia (PVD), increase sexual function, and encourage your partner to communicate you in ways that help boost your sexual health.

What is Sexual Assertiveness?

Sexual assertiveness refers to the degree to which a person is able to openly communicate his or her thoughts, choices and feelings about sexuality. Sexual assertiveness is further defined as being the ability to communicate about three different areas of your sexual experience (Loshek & Terrell, 2014):

  • Sexual initiation and communicating satisfaction
  • Ability to refuse unwanted sexual acts
  • Ability to communicate about sexual risk and history

Gaining skills in sexual assertiveness can be done by practicing with your partner, opening up to friends, or with a sex therapist.

Invite your Partner a Pelvic Floor Therapy Session

Yes, you can invite your partner to a pelvic floor therapy session! I often work with clients and their partners to do basic education regarding pelvic pain, explain the process of therapy, and help troubleshoot positions, timing, and transition to sex. If you are under the care of a pelvic floor therapist, ask your therapist if they are open to having your partner come to a session. You can also contact us for a telehealth session in California (or virtual consultation worldwide).

Show your Partner your Exercises

While some clients may be uncomfortable showing their dilator kit to their partner, as a pelvic floor therapist I'd recommend doing it and early on in your therapy. It's fun to celebrate getting to the next size with your partner and also to keep them up to date on your progress.

Besides your dilator exercises, chances are your pelvic floor therapist has assigned you some pelvic floor stretches, mindfulness practice, breathing exercises, foam rolling, or core stability exercises to go along with your dilator program. Share these exercises with your partner to help build closeness and to share your experience and journey with them.

Share Educational Resources

Recently there has been more educational materials available to share about pelvic pain, vaginismus, and the lived experience of someone with pelvic pain. Here are some favorites:

Play with Your Partner

Pelvic pain can have an effect on quality of life as well as your relationships. Doing other sensual activities together such as sensate focus, partner massage, or even stretching together can help rekindle a sense of physical intimacy with your partner. Sex therapists often work with couples to help find the right exercises for your relationship.

Plan with Your Partner

Transition to sex with your partner requires planning, working together, and practice. As with the case with any new skill, it takes some patience to build confidence, and sex is no exception. Working with your pelvic floor therapist, you can create a transition plan with your partner so that the transition to sex is informed, comfortable, and pleasurable to both partners.

Check out our list of recommended products that can help with the transition to sex: https://feminapt.com/resources/product-recommendations

Also be sure to read our latest article on sexual assertiveness here: https://feminapt.com/blog/sexual-assertiveness-may-reduce-your-pelvic-pain

Resources

Cano, A., & Williams, A. C. C. (2010). Social interaction in pain: Reinforcing pain behaviors or building intimacy? Pain, 149, 9–11. doi:10.1016/j.pain.2009.10.010.

Loshek, E., & Terrell, H. K. (2014). The Development of the Sexual Assertiveness Questionnaire (SAQ): A Comprehensive Measure of Sexual Assertiveness for Women. The Journal of Sex Research, 52(9), 1017–1027. doi:10.1080/00224499.2014.944970

McNicoll, G., Corsini-Munt, S., O. Rosen, N., McDuff, P., & Bergeron, S. (2016). Sexual Assertiveness Mediates the Associations Between Partner Facilitative Responses and Sexual Outcomes in Women With Provoked Vestibulodynia. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 43(7), 663–677. doi:10.1080/0092623x.2016.1230806

Rancourt, K. M., Rosen, N. O., Bergeron, S., & Nealis, L. J. (2016). Talking About Sex When Sex Is Painful: Dyadic Sexual Communication Is Associated With Women’s Pain, and Couples’ Sexual and Psychological Outcomes in Provoked Vestibulodynia. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 45(8), 1933–1944. doi:10.1007/s10508-015-0670-6

Rosen, N. O., Bergeron, S., Glowacka, M., Delisle, I., & Baxter, M. L. (2012). Harmful or Helpful: Perceived Solicitous and Facilitative Partner Responses Are Differentially Associated with Pain and Sexual Satisfaction in Women with Provoked Vestibulodynia. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 9(9), 2351–2360. doi:10.1111/j.1743-6109.2012.02851.x

Rosen, N. O., Rancourt, K. M., Corsini-Munt, S., & Bergeron, S. (2014). Beyond a ‘‘woman’s problem’’: The role of relationship processes in female genital pain. Current Sexual Health Reports, 6, 1–10. doi:10.1007/s11930-013-0006-2.

Smith, K. B., & Pukall, C. F. (2014). Sexual Function, Relationship Adjustment, and the Relational Impact of Pain in Male Partners of Women with Provoked Vulvar Pain. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 11(5), 1283–1293. doi:10.1111/jsm.12484

What Our Patients Have to Say

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Testimonial by Mary L.

I started seeing Heather to treat my Interstitial Cystitis in November 2016. At this time, I was extremely miserable, in constant pain, and felt as though no one was listening or understood what was going on with my body. I have just finished my last appointment and I can honestly say that my life has completely changed for the better because of Heather and her team of PTs! I live almost completely pain free, and when I do have flare ups, I am able to treat them at home on my own. I am so grateful that this office was recommended to me a honestly cannot recommend them enough!

Read more: Testimonial by Mary L.

Testimonial by Ann V.

I wish i could give this place 10 stars!! 
I have been suffering from vaginismus for 5 years and never found the cure to it. I had seen an ob/gyn and he diagnosed me with vaginismus and told me i needed a surgery to cure my condition, which i refused to do. He also referred me to a PT that he works with, i had given them multiple calls and they never responded back to me, so i started searching yelp for another PT. I am SO HAPPY I found Heather's office! I was working with Laureen, and with her guidance and techniques i was able to be cured from vaginismus in only 2 1/2 short months!!! I couldn't believe how quickly their program worked for me! I am forever grateful and thankful from Heather, and Laureen! They are the absolute best at what they do!

Read more: Testimonial by Ann V.

Testimonial by T.C.

While pregnant with my twins, Heather took care with keeping me on my feet and pain free. She saved my back, my sanity and the holidays! I would recommend her to every “mom” looking to stay on her feet during pregnancy and post-partum.

-- T.C.

Testimonial by M.M.

A personal journey and testimonial from one of my patients:

My husband and I were married for 5 years before we were able to have intercourse due to my vaginismus. There was nothing traumatic in my past but for some reason, even though I wanted sex, I mentally avoided "that area" of my body and didn't even admit to myself that there was a problem for a long time, even though I was never able to put tampons in. Once I finally opened my eyes up to the fact that I had a problem, I had a surgery that was supposed to fix the issue.

Read more: Testimonial by M.M.

Testimonial by Alexandra B.

Heather is without exaggerating AMAZING! After years of trouble with a certain part of my body, in no time, she made everything change back to equilibrium and to what would be considered normal. She explains everything in detail and therefore gives you a better understanding of why things are the way they are, and how you can work towards turning things around. I would highly recommend Heather for any type of Physical Therapy. She has created her own "Method/Therapy" through years of studying (with some of the greatest practitioners), practice and breaking down the issues of her past patients, enabling her to fine tune her own system. I'm so thankful to have found her, and I'm especially grateful for the quick recovery I've achieved, after years of distress. If you cannot afford her, I recommend you purchase her book. Although it may not be Heather in person, it can still help you to get on the right path to recovery!

-- Alexandra B., 5/20/2015 via Yelp!

Testimonial by R.H.

No one could tell me why I was having pain during sex--sharp pain, not just uncomfortable, pain. I was referred to Heather Jeffcoat after researching several different options. I had seen a specialist who told me physical therapy would not help and my only option was surgery. I really didn't want to go that route, so when we got a referral, I decided to try it--it can't hurt, I thought. I am so glad I did. She diagnosed the problem right away, which was a relief in itself.

To know why I was having pain eased my mind immensely. And to hear that she could fix it without surgery was another relief. She said she could fix the problem in 6 weeks. I think it was actually 4 for me. She was very methodical, and treated me as an intelligent human being capable of participating in my own recovery. I would absolutely recommend her to anyone. She did not try to prolong my session numbers, she worked hard to accommodate my schedule (and the fact that I had to bring a baby to sessions), and she was completely honest the entire time. It is so hard to find someone with these characteristics, much less a professional who is so good at what she does. She has my highest respect.

-- R.H.

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